Relationship Red Flags—A Guide By Me

The Supremes told us all, “you can’t hurry love” but you chose not to listen. Instead, your theme song became “Fools Rush In” and left you at the mercy of many a narcissist. But how did this happen to you and what do you need to monitor in the future? Here’s a handy guide:

·      Being desperate: You are in too much of a rush to find the one. Your life shouldn’t be ‘The Amazing Race’ meets ‘Married at First Sight’. Your high-achieving, people pleasing tendencies are clouding your judgement and leaving you vulnerable. Take a breath.

·      Being trusting: If someone likes all the same things you do, you haven’t hit the jackpot, you’re being mirrored. This isn’t a Disney movie. You haven’t found your soulmate. They’re simply repeating all you say, it’s called “mirroring”. Get cynical.

·      Being accepting: In the beginning, a Narcissist will make a special effort to be “your person”. They will compress a year into a week and start calling you cutesy nicknames to make you feel safe, loved and familiar. If someone is trying to coo at you more than your grandma, red flag it.

·      Being accommodating: They might as well be homeless because they’re with you all the time and you never question it because you’d hate to make them think you’re not as invested as they are. You forgo your independence and boundaries to keep feeding the fire and ultimately cut off your nose to spite your face. Stop selling yourself short.

·      Being understanding: When a narcissist starts monitoring your phone and social media alerts, don’t try to rationalize their behavior. Don’t make excuses because they had a difficult upbringing, or their ex cheated on them – so they say. They are trying to own you and you are showing them they can. Abort mission.